The Reader
Hello strangers, I'm Mary Evangeline. (:
Just call me Mary for short
Studied in Holy Innocents' Primary School
Primary 1-4F, 5D and 6H
And Holy Innocents' High School
Secondary 1-2 Charity and 3-4 Integrity
Currently studying in Nanyang Poly
In the process of becoming a nurse!
CCA were brownies, choir and voice ensemble
I play the piano
Oh, And proud to be a Roman Catholic
Bible verse
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
i felt so detached when i was having lunch with amanda and vivian today...i really don't know what i was doing, what i wanted to do and what i should do next...honestly, my heart felt really empty and i was like looking at a huge oasis. i don't know. i think amanda could sense something was wrong with me...and i sometimes hate it when people can see through me.
today, suppose to tell chinese teacher whether we wanted to retake the chinese exams. actually my parents supported and wanted me to retake chinese but don't go for lessons. my father even wrote a letter to the principal. however, chinese teacher said that it wouldn't be wise and allowed as i didn't do very well for chinese. so in the end, i got back the letter and told her yeah i would like to retake the exam again. that's when i called my father. bloody hell. he was like all out to go to war with the school if they forbid me to take the chinese exam. i didn't want it so i told him no. not gonna take chinese already. he sounded so disappointed as if i was gonna go without a fight. well, i don't. he hung up on me as if he was pissed. i couldn't do anything. i just didn't want to start up something while the days fly by till o level. what's done is done. i told my chinese teacher i changed my mind and it was final that i didn't wanna retake.
after dad hung up, i was like about to cry. yeah...damn stupid of me right? cry for what? i also am not sure. one thing i absolutely hate about myself is that i cry easily. of course not so easily like some of my friends. just that when i'm at the brink of any emotions, happy, sad, angry, frustrated...(yeah you get my drift) i'll use tears to express myself. damn bullshit. as if crying would help. every year, i keep telling myself, this year...i'll make it through without crying. boy, that resolution can throw down the drain. every year this promise is broken. i hate myself for crying. especially in class where everyone is around. i mean, even small things like this can cause a leak in my eyes. damn!
i felt kinda demoralised after speaking to my dad. its as though, hey i'm just having like a just pass for chinese and not retaking it? how dumb can i get. friends were like going what?not taking chinese? i want to. just that i don't wanna go for lessons. its not worth it. its not like i didn't do my best for that paper. anyway i don't want my dad to go like on strike or something. its that too much to ask for?
even worse was when yuxuan told me" india can't speak chinese" i know its a joke but still...that time i was trying my best not to cry. yeah...i shouldn't take chinese...what's the point of trying when i know that my chinese was like bullshit. i was grasping thin air honestly. i was hoping for at least a B. but of course, reality came down. after what yuxuan said, i guess my mind was decided after all. never take chinese. chinese teacher was shock of course, tried to convince me and use my friends too. then again, i wanted to cry. guan ling asked if i was about to cry, and i told her no. what a lame lie to use.
so much for being strong too. i told myself that i was strong and could make it through. who was i kidding? acting loud and such in class...it was as if i was trying to hide my real "me" from everyone else. who knows? perhaps instead of trying to hide, i showed it even more.
but i guess all of these was to prove. prove that i was independent. after all i am ms. independent. but who was i trying to prove to? that...even i also do not know...
6:29 PM